I do not know who wrote this it was on a listserv I subscribe to, but it really hit home for me. There are times I have been in meetings and I have an opinion that is contrary to the speaker’s. Must I be right? Why? In years past AA grew at times by someone catching a resentment over an opinion so they started a new meeting, it was called, “a resentment and a coffee pot”. Hope you get as much insight out of it as I have.
War and Peace
We spend a lot of time and energy trying to determine who is right.
Much of that energy is spent because we want to feel okay about our own self. We measure our own opinions against other people’s opinions and then continue on to make assessments of “self-worth” and “other-worth” based on whose opinion we perceive is right and whose opinion we perceive is wrong.
Whole wars are fought over who is right and who is wrong. There is a Dr. Seuss book entitled The Butter Battle Book that highlights this very concept. People on one side of the wall butter the top side of their bread – while people on the other side of the wall butter the bottom side of their bread – and they have an entire war over who is right and who is wrong.
Have you ever stopped to pay attention to your need to be right?
Notice the times when you begin to be or sound defensive. Are you insisting that your opinion is correct? That somehow your beliefs are better than someone else’s beliefs? Can you allow others to hold their opinion even when it opposes yours?
And sometimes we don’t even bother to argue our side. Sometimes we just make the other person wrong without even needing an opinion of our own. Because if you can prove that someone else is wrong, then you must be right.
By allowing others to hold their own opinions, even when they differ from your own, you free yourself up to find peace and tranquility in your life. You will always find people who disagree with your stand. You will always find people who want to argue with you. And there is nothing wrong with a healthy discussion. But when you have that NEED to be right – or to make the other person wrong – you set yourself up for frustration and anger.
It is just another “should”. You SHOULD agree with me. And you are terrible if you don’t.