“When you encounter difficulties and contradictions, do not try to break them, but bend them with gentleness and time.”
– St. Francis de Sales
Addiction and alcoholism are filled with contradictions. I remember when I first went to rehab the definition of alcoholism encompassing the term “Progressive”. In my mind at the time progressive meant increasingly getting worse or in the case of addiction leading to full blown dependence. I remember thinking, “well now, I could not possibly have alcoholism because I can stop when I want to, I am not dependent and as a teenager I was much worse in my use of drugs and alcohol.” The contradiction for me was simple, I do not fit the definition, alcoholism has not been progressively worse for me, therefore I am not an alcoholic! Bammmmmm, my out!
But in 1988, after two more years of emotional pain, disappointments in my life and no hope remaining, I decided to give it a try again. I made up my mind that although I was not the typical alcoholic or addict I would give recovery the same opportunity I gave partying. I began to bend and lighten my black and white view into gray area. With time I can report that I am grateful I did. I can say that today I can look back and see the progression in my attitude towards addiction and alcoholism, the increased emotional pain, the desperation and loss of control in my life as progressive.
Today I am grateful for the opportunity to recover. The patience of my sponsor, support group, family, friends and finally my willingness (brought on by pain) to give life the shot it deserved and not out of a glass! Today, life is good!
Go, Go, Go…