Contradict, right or wrong?

by Daniel · 3 comments

“Employ the power of positive quitting. Most of us view quitting as something negative, but it’s not. ‘Winners never quit,’ we’re told, when, in reality, winners quit all the time: choosing to stop doing things that aren’t creating the results they desire. When you quit all the things that aren’t working for you, when you quit tolerating all the negative things that hold you back, you’ll create a positive ‘charge’ in your life as well as create the space in your life for more positive experiences.”  — Jim Allen

I probably could simply post this quote and leave it at that! However, what this reminds me of is the “CONTRADICTIONS” we face on a daily basis. I remember talking with a newcomer and his sponsor one day, the conversation got a bit stressed when the newcomer said “Yeah But”. Of course the sponsor chimed in, “anything after But is BS”… The newcomer quickly responded, that is BS in itself, how about this, “BUT, for the grace of God”! hmmmmm…

I have said it many times, our brains search for meaning in every new experience and if there is a significant contradiction we are confused. Of course in the world of addiction, treatment and recovery those of us looking to be a helpful hand believe that the individual is resistant, fighting us, in denial or some other negative. However, as I have come to find when someone is fighting a suggestion it is usually because they do not understand the “Why”. When someone is focused on the contradiction it is because they are confused.

If my mission is to help, well then how am I helping if I am confronting the individual aggressively? I am pushing them away from honestly appraising the suggestion. When it comes to “quitting” well the main shift for me has been making the decision to remain abstinent, permanently. I didn’t quit, I surrendered!  Life is good!

Go, Go, Go…

Dan 🙂

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

william E. hay March 8, 2012 at 10:10 am

Good morning,
Just to wake, read your blog, and begin a reply with 2 simple words, good morning is such a gift. Why, because I am alive, sober, listening to classical music, good morning life!! This brings back a memory of you waking, saying good morning and receiving the reply, what’s so good about it. Many people in todays world with all the struggles we face, might just ask; What’s so good about it? To understand the why is so very important in our quest to find a life that is happy, joyous, and free. In keeping it simple when my sponsor recently suggested that I should not lead a meaning on a step. Well to be honest, my first thought was, I pratice this step everyday in my life and it just didn’t make sence to not lead and share my experiance with this step. Then I asked myself why would he make this suggestion. I realized that we within are sponcor sponcee relationship had not formely discussed this step. Due to that understanding, I was able to see my sponcor felt it would be best to slow it down a bit. I myself
realized the importance in placing my trust in my sponcor with 27 years of sobriety and as my resistance softed, it was plain to see that I was taking on to much in my life. His approach in suggesting I should not leed on this step, not only motivated me to learning by asking myself why, but helped me understand the importance of giving respect to my spomsor. For did I not ask him to guide me thru the steps. As a great German philosopher said, not the excact quote but close enough, anyman that can answer the question why, will go to any how. Love ya Big Dan

william e. hay March 8, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Hello Dan, I started my day half a sleep writing a comment, excuse the typos LOL. Well, the day has turned to night and I wanted to express one thought on quiting when the results are not equal to the effort. Obviously many factors should be looked at, and if you have truly worked thru that decision to quit, more power to you. However, a comment the amazing Sarge once stated during a guest visit at rehab. “First Thought Ego, Wrong”. I’m speaking for myself, I have to be very careful to make sure I am responding, not reacting! Just a thought, especially for those of us in early recovery. Good night Dan.

Daniel March 11, 2012 at 12:42 pm

William obviously you are doing what you need to do to live the life you want. It is awesome when we can stop, look, listen and then make the decision! You are an example of this!


Dan 🙂

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