Watch what direction the feet point, when the mouth stops. You want a consistency between mouth and movement. –James Dignam
I am helping a fellow out with his recovery journey. I suggested he attend a mens meeting at Crossroads which is a clubhouse in Delray Beach, Florida. I brought him a few times to the meeting. One day after the meeting he said, I am really uncomfortable in the meeting, can we go to a different meeting? I asked why and he responded, “we sit in the back and the men in the front always have something negative to say about the people in the back and it bothers me.”
Now, I could say, lets sit in the front and we won’t have that problem but he was right. As I began to think about it I realized not a meeting goes by without one of the “Clic” sending a negative message about the back of the room. How the people in the front are sober and those in the back are jokers. Why do I sit in the back you may ask? Simple for me, I like to see everyone when they share, I prefer seeing who I listen to. Does that make me less sober than others? I have been doing it successfully for the better part of 25 years.
I understand why people suggest that you sit in the front and why the back is less desirable. First the people in the back tend to talk during the meeting, text during the meeting, play games on their phones during the meeting and other extra curricula activities. But, as a sober member of the group it is my responsibility to demonstrate through action and not negative words or statements how to get and stay sober. In fact the more I push, condemn, or belittle someones position the stronger their position becomes. They will sit in the back and continue to talk and they will continue to hurt.
If I want to make an impact in someones life I need to recognize that treating them with contempt will not help. I must realize that by putting them down will not win them over so to speak. When Bill and Bob discussed “attraction rather than promotion” they realized that when we are sober we will attract people to seek our help. I can promise you one thing if you are belittling someone with your words you are not attracting you are repelling.
Be the conduit of love and life that you are meant to be. Sure once in awhile we will say something that is less than attracting but as the Tenth Step suggests we must evaluate our actions which means we must positively align our intentions with our actions. When they are out of alignment amend them! Life is good…
Go, Go, Go…