Ambiguity

by Daniel · 0 comments

“Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.” – Gilda Radner

Life is ambiguous and filled with contradictions.  Addiction is a huge contradiction, as much as we can predict and see patterns for people that are in throws of addiction and alcoholism, when they begin to look at recovery as an alternative they often see the contradictions and use them to continue on in their addictive behaviors.  As an outside observer we call it “Denial”.

I remember when I was first seriously approached with the idea that I may be an alcoholic.  I was in the county jail at my first self help meeting the speaker was a fellow in his late 60’s named Charlie.  He was a skid-row drunk, he had lived on the Bowery, the prototypical alcoholic in my eyes.   I did not know it but they went around the room and people would share about themselves.  I sat too close to Charlie!  I remember sharing and saying that although alcohol gets me in trouble from time to time, I am not an alcoholic, because I do not live on the street and I do not need to drink everyday.  I simply enjoy partying and getting inebriated!

Charlie, at the time sober some 20 plus years said that alcoholism is like a railroad track.  The track is the time-line of life and the stations are the negative events brought on by alcoholic behavior.  He said he did not start drinking on the Bowery nor did he need to drink in the early years.  He said alcoholism is progressive and FATAL!  He said you will die, but you will die alone and miserable.

That is what planted the seed for me, that was in March of 1980.  I absolutely allowed the contradictions and ambiguity of addiction and alcoholism to keep me in denial, but the door had been cracked open.  I was now looking at it differently.  Today ambiguity takes on new meaning, when necessary I change my life strategies to attain the goals I have set out to accomplish.  Life is fun, fulfilling, rewarding and an adventure!  Go for it!

Go, Go, Go…

Dan 🙂

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